


Does It Ever Stop?

by PixelatedRose



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Episode 9, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, alernate ending for episode 9, don't kill the author pls he's crying too, everyone is sad, kojiro really needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 02:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30081897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixelatedRose/pseuds/PixelatedRose
Summary: An exploration of what could have happened if Kaoru had been just a little less lucky
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	Does It Ever Stop?

**Author's Note:**

> You've read the tags.  
> Sorry not Sorry :')

Kojiro sat in the wavering wind of the nearing winter. It wasn’t quite cold enough for a warm jacket, but still far too cold for a t-shirt or any sort of shorts. It was a fairly sunny day too, pale and frosted in yellow-pink light of a sunset, the trees whispered the names of laughter in this kind of breeze. It was a lovely day, no doubt. It was gorgeous…

Kojiro distantly wondered what the others might have been doing on a day such as this.

Reki and Langa probably skipped out on school again, probably skating around the city, the two of them showing one another vibrant moves and laughing into small things filled with the airiness of kind and bright things that would remind each other of fireworks.

Miya had probably sat in school- Kojiro recalled the boy mentioning a class project he had been looking forward to- and then must have found himself skating in peaceful solitude for a while, listening to his own thoughts and reminiscing on only the things someone so young could reminisce on.

Shadow probably flourished in his flower shop, doting on sappy couples and little children, his coworker sending little flowers blooming in his chest every time she smiled at him. He might have felt particularly bold that day and maybe he gave the women of his affections a small flower that meant something like soft admiration.

Kojiro himself had been having a quietly peaceful day. It was his day off and Sia La Luce was closed, so Kojiro had wandered the city, alternating between skating down the street and walking, popping into the occasional shop and browsing the goods.

It was a lovely day, no doubt.

And yet…

Kojiro had nothing else to think of in a place like this other than Kaoru. And it was not for the first time and forever far the last.

He tilted his head into his hand and sighed, the blossomless branches of the sakura trees above his head shaking gently, as if the nature of the world this day were reaching softly out to attempt to wrap Kojiro in the comfort of its songs.

But his mind was elsewhere.

Because of course he’d think of it now.

Because he  _ never _ stopped thinking about it.

* * *

Kojiro was shock still as he watched the scene before him unfold like the flickering tendrils of smoke as a flame began to fade in and out.

Kaoru was bashed in by a skateboard, the sound of wood on bone making a blood-curdling  _ crack _ on contact, more crashing snaps being heard as his fair body tumbled to the unforgiving ground. It was not far long before pools of ruby tar began to appear all over his body- under his lovely head, in his strawberry hair, on his pretty arms- and beads of the stuff scuffed most other places. If Kojiro had not loved Kaoru so purely, he might have said the glossy stuff ruined his ethereal beauty.

And Kojiro wasn’t sure how he’d gotten to the end of the track, how he had found himself sprinting towards the man who held his entire heart, unbeknownst to the cherry-haired boy. But he was there now, and that was the only thing that mattered in Kojiro’s mind.

“Kaoru!! Kaoru hold on, hold on, okay? Okay, we’re gonna get you to the hospital, alright? We’re gonna get you fixed up, don’t-” Kojiro couldn’t stop shaking, hands gliding hardly an inch above Kaoru’s skin, trying to figure out where he had sustained the most damage, trying to figure out what he could do to help.

“Koji…” Kaoru spoke and it sounded like a plague- sandpaper and shattered glass were the cracked melody of his rasping voice. It tore Kojiro in two. “I can’t...He...I’m…” He started to reach up with one of his hands, the movement seeming as if the limb was being tugged away from an ever powerful magnet that the bones themself couldn’t escape from.

Kojiro’s hand fluttered to Kaoru’s and he held it with the sincerity of a thousand melodies but with the softness of quiet whispers as he lowered it back down, knowing Kaoru had no energy to spare trying to be sentimental. “Don’t move, Kao, don’t move. It’s all going to be okay. We’re getting you to the hospital and then we can go and beat up that bastard once and for all, yeah?”

Kojiro could tell the golden-eyed man wanted to laugh at that. But his expression hardly changed from enveloped in agony and somber hurt.

He shifted, wrapping his arms under the person he’d known since they were children, the same one he’d fallen in love with in highschool, and the one he’d do near anything for. He’d claw his way through heaven and hell alike if Kaoru had asked.

He ignored how his heart splintered into pieces when he picked up the bloodied man, when the shift in weight made Kaoru shriek and writhe in pain, the sound eternally more sickening than the horrible crunching of his bones. Kojiro held him up around him, body upright against his front with his hands looped around his thighs, legs around his waist. Kaoru’s head had fallen into the crook of his neck and shoulder and his heavy breath was felt hot on Kojiro’s skin. In a response to the cry, the green-haired man brought one of his hands up and stroked the bloody pink hair, whispering to his love.

The nearest hospital was 30 minutes away, and only 15 if Kojiro ignored the laws- and by all things in the universe,  _ he was going to ignore the laws _ . Turning back to the vehicle that had gotten him to Kaoru in the first place, Kojiro realized either Shadow had driven him, given him the keys to his car, or Kojiro had stolen them. It didn’t matter. Kojiro held Kaoru in his arms as he slipped into the backseat, seeing Shadow in the front seat as soon as his head cleared enough, and he instructed the ginger to do whatever the hell he could to get to the hospital faster. To quote, “ _ Don’t you fucking dare follow the goddamn laws, Shadow _ .”

And with Kaoru in his lap- arms fallen limply around Kojiro’s neck and the rusty-eyed man’s arms wrapped around his wonderful other, one hand bracing on his hip and the other threaded into the hair at the base of his neck, stabilizing him as best he could- He whispered quietly to him.

“Ko-kojiro…” Kaoru spoke, strained and painful.

Kojiro ran his thumb gently against his neck. “Hey, shh, don’t worry- We’re on our way.” Dammit why was it taking so long? A glance at the clock would tell that only three minutes had passed, but those three minutes had felt horribly long. He couldn’t imagine how long the other 12 minutes would feel and dreaded to know.

“Kojiro...I...I’m so-” He let out a gasp and whimper, something Kojiro had never heard from Kaoru in all their years together.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Kaoru...I know it hurts, but it’s going to be alright…” He said the words, but as Kaoru’s movements had been slowing, his breathing ragged and short, his body feeling more and more limp in Kojiro’s arms, he said it as much for himself as he did for his love with golden eyes. Kojiro realized as he watched the clock tick, marking 5 minutes as passing, that if-  _ once _ \- this was all over, he would tell Kaoru just how much he cared about him. He would finally tell him how much he needed him, wanted him, loved him.

Kaoru breathed out a word and Kojiro’s breath hitched. “Tired…”

Kojiro gripped tighter onto Kaoru. “Hey,  _ no _ . You can’t fall asleep, Kaoru. Don’t you fall asleep, princess, you have to stay with me, okay?”

Kaoru made a noise that could have been mistaken for a light chuckle, only for it to give way to a violent coughing fit that stained Kojiro’s shoulder red. “...Princess…?” he muttered.

Kojiro tried to smile. “Absolutely.”

Kaoru mumbled again. “How…?”

“Well…” He started, holding tighter still. “You’re special, for one. Always so pretty with everything you do. It doesn’t matter really what is, you make it beautiful.” He twined his hands into Kaoru’s pink locks. “And you’re far better looking than any lame royalty.” He whispered it softly. He would have to explain himself later, but for now he would let slip a small amount of his affection. It was all he could do to try and hold Kaoru’s attention.

He felt Kaoru’s breathing begin to soften further, the action making his heart panic. “Kojiro…” The softness in how he said his name would normally make his heart skip, but it put Kojiro on edge now. “I’m sorry…”

Kojiro’s breath stuttered and for the first time he felt his eyes sting that night. He kept him held tight. “Stop that, Kaoru. Don’t talk like that, you have nothing to be sorry for.”  _ Why does it feel like this is the last time I’m going to hold Kaoru…? _ Kojiro didn’t say.

“Sorry...I think...You’ll be eating alone...tomorrow…” Kaoru said, so softly, the pain from his words no longer a result of any physical wound, now searing open new wounds- ones that would not be healed so easily. The kind of pain that kissed you softly and stole your last breaths away. The words were ones of finality.

Kojiro didn’t believe it.

He felt tears beginning to fall and he pulled Kaoru forward, just a bit so he could look into his eyes- those pretty molten eyes that had melted Kojiro to his core. “Kaoru what are you saying…? Stop talking like that, please- we-we’re almost there,  _ please _ just-”

There was a hand on his cheek and Kojiro couldn’t help but feel his world snapping and crumbling apart as he watched Kaoru smile softly. Like everything was alright. Like he was content.

“It’s time to let go, Kojiro…”

Tears spilled over his eyes, he couldn’t even comprehend what was happening, what was being said.

“No, no no no, Kaoru it’s not time to- I-I don’t want to let this go- I  _ can’t _ let you go!!”

“Kojiro…”

“Stop-”

“Look at me please…?”

“ _ Please _ -” He complied anyway. He rested his forehead against Kaoru’s and held him closer than he ever had before, felt as if the moment he didn’t hold onto him Kaoru would cease to exist. “Kaoru, you  _ can’t _ leave me-”

“Kojiro-”

“Kaoru, I  _ love _ you…!!”

There was a beat of silence and Kojiro felt Kaoru’s breath hitch, his slow heartbeat skipping for just a moment.

“...I wish you’d told me that…” Kaoru breathed, the tears now falling down his face as well. “Before I let go…”

Kojiro’s eyes widened and he began to gasp slightly for a breath he couldn’t catch. “Kaoru-  _ stop please _ \- no no _ no _ you can’t have- Kaoru you  _ can’t _ -”

“I love you too, Kojiro…”

“Kaoru  _ stop talking like that _ !!! Please,  _ Kaoru I need you _ !!”

There was no answer this time.

“Kaoru? Kaoru answer me- you have to keep talking to me!!”

There was still nothing.

“You can’t go to sleep, you have to stay awake- Kaoru please!!”

And then the breathing stopped all together.

And Kojiro shattered.

“ _ Don’t leave me, Kaoru _ !!!”

…

But Kaoru was gone.

* * *

That had been months ago.

Everyone was starting to heal, or ignore it.

Kojiro had hardly moved on.

He wasn’t sure if he ever would…

He visited Kaoru’s grave every day, and spoke soft words to the air.

He had been buried under a cherry tree.

Kojiro would often find himself wondering how it would look when the blossoms bloomed.

Today, Kojiro leaned against the headstone and told the wind of his day.

Part of him wondered if something would have gone differently if Kojiro hadn’t hesitated to tell Kaoru how he cared about him before the match started, wondered if something would have changed if he’d told Kaoru earlier, told him that he loved his pretty golden eyes, loved his pretty strawberry hair, loved his pretty porcelain skin, loved his pretty melodic laugh, loved his pretty biting arguments.

He’d never know though.

No use trying to figure out the past when it’s so far gone.

It never stopped hurting.

Because now Kojiro would never hear him argue, hear him laugh, touch his skin, thread his hair, see his eyes. Not now nor ever.

He found himself thinking constantly, constantly, of when they were children. He savored the memories now- every single last one stored in the prettiest of boxes, containers he opened often to view and try to remember what his love’s life was like.

And he tried desperately not to cry anymore, but he always failed.

No one mentioned Kaoru’s name or cherry blossoms anymore. Never around Kojiro. Not when it hurt so much.

He continued living, if only for Kaoru.

His life was now an aching hole as the biggest part of him had been severed away, been stolen by pettiness and residual anger.

It hurt to breathe.

But he breathed for friends.

He breathed for Kaoru.

Kojiro sighed, a faint smile on his lips as he finished telling the air of his day, tears falling silently down his face. “Same time tomorrow, Kaoru?” He said near soundlessly as he stood up. He turned and stared at the grave, the flowers in the vase starting to wilt just a bit. “I’ll bring you new flowers too, yeah?” He stood in the dying sun and let one last tear fall before he left. “Yeah…”

And it was the same for years.

It got better, and he didn’t cry as much.

And yet it was all still so alive in him, running rampant in his heart and mind.

He lost Kaoru.

And it never stopped hurting.

**Author's Note:**

> Still sorry not sorry but yeah I almost started crying while writing this lol  
> I wanted to write this because while I may not be an expert, I know FAR enough to know that Kaoru- had he been a little less lucky- could have VERY WELL died due to that impact. It would be more realistic for him to have died ON impact, but I wanted to drag out the angst like the monster I am >:']  
> Anway, Adam's a bitch, I was very distressed over the end of ep 9, subscribe to technoblade, and as always- Stay Fresh and Minty, Folks!!


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